Monday, April 14, 2014

Dealing with Anxiety

So something that I don't normally address, is my personal struggle with anxiety. I hate admitting that there is something wrong with me on this sort of mental/emotional level. It's  defeating, & for me it's impossible to deal with. 

This issue, is still pretty fresh for me, it's only been 14 months since I've discovered that I struggled with this, & I only came to that conclusion because I had my first anxiety attack then. There isn't any reason for me to have such a problem. I just woke up one day. 

I woke up feeling nervous. I didn't really know why, so I just kept going, I got dressed & went to chapel (here at VFCC we have chapel daily at 10am). I had an 11:30 class, right after chapel, so I was on my way to it, when I saw one of my close friends. I looked at him & freaked out. I have no idea why. I was sitting in my class & all of a sudden I couldn't breathe, I could feel the tears getting ready to run down my face. I began to freak out because I was freaking out & I didn't know why. I somehow managed to walk downstairs to Michaela's class & she took me away to get coffee & calm down. The rest of the day I just sat in my room, afraid to do anything. I called my mom & she helped me come to terms with what I had gone through. A panic attack. 

I immediately starting seeing someone & working through some issues, I also did personal research so I could help myself for the future. One thing that I found the most helpful was hearing other people's stories on their life & how anxiety & panic attacks effect them. One of my very favorite YouTubers/bloggers, Zoella, made two videos on the subject that were just so helpful for me. 

Over the last year, since my first attack, I have had, I believe, 3 more. Two of those being minor, but one being the worst I've ever had, waking me up in the middle of the night. 

What I find the most challenging aspects of dealing with anxiety is that people just don't understand. Your family, your closest friends - they don't get it. They don't understand why you can't leave your room or why you feel down today. They don't understand when you just need to be alone, or why you feel so needy. Or that when everything is seemingly fine in your life, you can still have a bad week, & that just because it's been a few months since your last attack, you're not "better". 

Anxiety is a daily struggle. It's not just something that comes & goes, it's a battle that you have to overcome every single day, & some days, it unfortunately overcomes you. 
It can be scary to tell someone you have problems. But the thing with anxiety is that you need to tell people-the people you love most-what's wrong & what you need from them. They won't understand at first, but there is tons of literature they can look into to read up on what they can do to help. They will learn. You will learn. And we can grow together.


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