Saturday, July 26, 2014


I want to be perfectly transparent - I've been going through some storms for what seems like forever now. I guess if I had to put in into an actual time frame, it's been about 4 years.
Now in these past 4 years, these storms haven't been steady, but they have been constant. And just when I think things are getting better, I'm wrong and they just get worse. Way worse. Like this past year.

I've had quite possibly the worst 10 months of my entire existence (granted that existence is only 21 years). I've found myself in a bad place, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I have felt so lost and so alone, and I'm trying to stay positive and remind myself that things will get better, but it all just gets too overwhelming and nothing seems to be changing.

So how do you remain in the right spirits when everything is terrible? I will try to find strength in my faith by reading scripture and praying, but I cannot seem to dive deep enough and I quickly become discouraged. My faith is dwindling and it's causing more anxiety.

And so I look elsewhere, but nothing is fulfilling. I don't like what I'm going through, and I don't like who I've been with this struggle. They say it's best to have a support group surrounding you, encouraging you and helping you, but I don't want that. I'm too prideful to let anyone know that I need them, and besides, I don't want anyone to waste their time on me.

Anyways, I'm trying, and I guess that's all that matters. It's a process.

Today I'm reminding myself of this:

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